Listening and Waiting

There is no elegant way to say this. 2010 you sucked. Thanks for all that you leave on a girls heart. I mean the first part of the year was a roller coaster. There were many joys and many valleys. I remember mom still saying I am going to laugh about it. Still wondering about that mommy. :) There are months that I am grateful for. You know the months that helped you mend from the previous months. I am well aware of my joys and I will get to them in a sec. I want to end on a happy note of course. Here is a recap. And to those of you who find out somethings in november that you didn't know give me some Grace! Ok thanks!

January- working hard to support lyle and I. Lyle is studying hard for our family.

Febuary- about the same

March- ANNIVERSARY went on a cruise.

April- life is going pretty smoothly

May- can't complain. still doin alright

June- working through the summer. Have a tough summer with some families and the police :) but hey its galveston!

July- worked through july but I am TIRED!

AUGUST- the month that changed me. Conference for work. Come home leave the next day for

vacation. Go on an amazing, restful vacation with my husband. Come home day later Bart Dies. He died. Still not sure if I am ok. I will keep you posted.

September- Go back to work. Boss quits and we get new group to take over. TOO MUCH TRANSITION.

October- New group takes over and working WAY more hours. Have a couple of get togethers at the house. Maybe I am going to be ok.

November- Find out I'm Pregnant! Can't wait to tell my parents when they come to visit. Oh but

wait. Mom gets put in the hospital and could lose her arm. And well I lost the baby. So all in all I lose my baby and my mom is doped up on meds that she can't talk me through it. Nikki and dad came with me. So I wasn't down here in Galveston without any family when Lyle and I got the news. REALLY GOD?! I don't know if I have really thought that out loud before. REALLY?!!? Still have this feeling in my heart I can't explain. Hurts like I didn't know I could feel. Oh yeah did I mention that my program was being audited the day that I literally was losing the baby. Yep you guessed it. One of my hardest days I was answering my phone making sure we didn't lose the grant. Jo Anna Workman must always be professional. (I am working on this, I understand that I get to breakdown and I should have boundaries)

December- My favorite month. Birthdays and Christmas. I worked on my birthday but my kiddos all 100 sang to me! It was beautiful. Somehow they made it a round haha!

Found out mimi had a heart attack. Once again. REALLY?!

Went to vegas with the inlaws. That was a lot of fun. Saw Grandma Nangauta and my dad's family. That was good for the heart.

Came home and left for Conroe the next day to see Mimi and do Christmas.

To those of you that stayed with me Thanks. I know that my life can be boring and uneventful :) but really thanks for listening to this rambling heart. So if you see me and it looks like I am struggling to find a smile know that I love you. And I can feel it returning.

To 2011- I am begging you to take it easy on this fragile heart. I feel like it is not as tough as it used to be.

Oh and here are my joys- sitting in a booth with Gabe, Luke and Nate as they talk about their daddy and how much he loved them. Then getting to take them shopping for Suzi's birthday. Watching as my husband fought with all that he had and passed his test. (This is one proud wife)

Watching my sister get her master's and find a job she adores. Having parents that love me unconditionally. Being a part of a family that trusts God's plans for them. Having a husband that I fight with and loves me in the crappy of craps. (I know that sounds bad but hey its truth). My kiddos, they bring me joy. A dog that I adore. And to my sweet lamb. I loved you while you were mine.

Lyle Don Workman, You are the keeper of this heart. You are an amazing protector. These last two years have been seriously the two of my hardest. You are the BEST decision I ever made. You have captured a heart that wants to run and instead I know you are safe and I stay! You have God's heart for me and I am FOREVER grateful. Thanks for your patience as I learn selflessness and grace.

And lastly, to my Abba. I love you and I trust you. Thanks for holding me when I want to give up and for fighting along side me. I am glad to know that in the midst of the darkness you are there.

So Cheers and Heres to finding the joys in the midst of the storm!